can't believe he's gone. It's so hard going through day to day and knowing none of us will ever see him again. It's easier to pretend he's off hunting or at his condo in Florida or just out of the office for the day.

There are so many what if's? that are constantly running through my head. I know I shouldn't dwell on that but I can't help it… There are so many things that have changed and are going to change because he's not here, it's scary. He was always the stabilizing one in the face of change. He encouraged and pushed and prodded until everyone was on the same page. How can he be gone?

What if he hadn't forgotten that saw at home? What if it hadn't been icy? What if he'd worn his seatbelt? What if they'd moved the office on Mon or Wed and not that Tues? What if he hadn't needed to have it done right then? What if he'd gone off the road a few hundred yards sooner or a few hundreds yard later? What if he'd taken his normal route home?

All of these what if's would have saved his life.

Why does one stupid mistake have to take his life? Why couldn't God give him a break on this one? I don't understand how something so small could have an effect so large. Seriously?!? WTF? You don't die on a freaking 1/2 hr errand to run home and pick something up. You don't leave behind a wife, a child, and a company that depends on you at the age of 40. You just don't. It's so fucked up that he was allowed to be taken. It wasn't his time yet…

It's so wrong and so very unfair.

Every time I see Sophia and Kim my heart breaks even more. It's so hard explaining to Phia why her daddy's not here but he's still watching over her. An 8 year old shouldn't have to go through that.

I wish so bad that I could go back in time for just a few seconds, long enough to warn him about the biggest what if of all.

What if taking 2 seconds to buckle your seat belt would save your life?